OK, maybe 2.0 is a stretch – let’s call it Dr Aliya 1.0 to start. This is the relaunch or more like restart of this blog – my blog –draliya.ca.
I’ve been MIA for the last 4 months and I apologize. I’d like to think there are a few people out there that follow this blog – maybe if it is just a handful of close friends – missed my weekly blog posts.
The truth is, I’ve been avoiding writing. Not just writing articles/posts or pieces of content, but “real” writing. Writing my thoughts and opinions. To be quite honest, it hurt too much to come up with any type of original thought and put it out there in cyberspace to be read.
Here’s the reason.
In late May of this year, my dad was admitted to the hospital with what seemed like your regular run of the mill pneumonia. We thought he’d be discharged in a few days. But a few of days turned into a week and a week turned into a couple of weeks and there was no sign of him coming home. He had an underlying condition called Inclusion Body Myositis (IBM), which is a type of muscular dystrophy that causes progressive weakness of muscles in the legs and arms. The IBM made his condition worse and the pneumonia took hold of his lungs making it difficult for him to breathe on his own.
After a couple of weeks in the hospital, the prognosis of recovery was grim. He wasn’t coming home. He was palliative and there was nothing the doctors or specialists could do. My family was shocked. Shock is and was an understatement. We were beyond belief, in denial, that my dad, although he had his share medical issues, was near the end of his life and all we could do was just wait and watch.
What came next was the hardest, most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I watched my dad die. It was a peaceful dying and one by one my family took turns having our final moments with him. He shared some age-old wisdom with me, told me how proud he was of me and my life successes, warned me (yet again) to find a balance between my work and my family life, touched my pregnant belly and said a prayer for the baby within and finally told me to allow myself to be happy and that he loved me and will always be with me. It was a perfect goodbye and yet I wanted and needed to say more.
On Saturday June 25th, my father passed away peacefully, surrounded by all of us.
The last few months have tested many of my relationships as I process through all of the emotions and stages of grieving. I’ve been reclusive of social engagements and gatherings. I’ve managed to get through most social meetings and events with a somewhat happy demeanor but most days I feel a deep sense of loss and hurt. I’ve struggled with letting myself get swept up in emotion and have tried to be brave and strong for my family and for my work.
Walking down the aisle at my wedding in 2010.
This brings me to my writing, particularly my blog. I’ve avoided it at all costs. Sure I’ve been casually posting on instagram and facebook but when it comes to writing posts – I’ve put up a wall. I have felt closed off.
What I’ve realized is that my posts and articles came from a place of expertise and imparted my knowledge based on experience, what I’ve seen in my clinical practice mostly. I had forgotten the real me. I had avoided anything too personal, too intimate in an effort to remain professional. Well, screw that.
I’ve been through too much this summer to remain professional. I’m raw and emotional….and well, pregnant. And I’ve decided that I need to put it all out there – because that is part of my healing. So here’s my authentic voice coming out. Sure I treat pregnant mamas and love being a prenatal chiropractor….but here’s the truth – this pregnancy sucks (more on this later). And yes, I am pediatric chiropractor who loves my little patients, but this summer, my 2 year old tested my patience and pushed ALL of my buttons and I’ve had days where I’ve felt like a pretty crummy mommy. And finally, my last truth – I love yoga and being active and staying fit and healthy….but the very thought of doing a workout or taking yoga class has me reaching for a large caffeinated beverage.
So there it is – all on the table.
Welcome back friends. I hope you enjoy the relaunch, restart, re-something of my new, maybe not so improved, but honest to goodness blog.
I promise to keep it real. Always.