Pregnancy number 2? No problem…..right!?!
I mean, we’ve done this before. We know what to expect. The morning sickness. The weight gain. The sleepless nights. The raging hormones.
We got this. This will be a cake walk, right?
Ummm….not so much. Not for me, anyway. My 2nd pregnancy was anything but a cake walk.
I wish I could tell you that I had the best time being pregnant the second time around. That I loved every single minute of it. That I relished my pregnant belly and all of the lovely, beautiful emotions that came with growing a tiny human inside.
The truth is, I wasn’t the glowing, lovely, smiling pregnant lady that you see on the street caressing her baby belly and looking absolutely radiant.
I felt like crap and I struggled with my 2nd pregnancy every step of the way. And to be honest, there wasn’t one real reason why.
Maybe it was because right from the first trimester, I was already dealing with some pretty intense emotions surrounding my father’s diminishing health.
I felt I was unable to feel elated and happy about a new baby when my father was dying. Nothing about the situation was easy and my exponentially increasing hormones made dealing with grief incredibly difficult. I was an emotional train wreck, barely holding it together for my family and for my toddler.
My toddler. She was a whole other story. Try chasing after a 2.5 year old…..pregnant. It’s not pretty. I know my mamas with 2 babes can agree – nothing about being pregnant and having another kid to care for is rainbows and sunshine.
All you want to do is — LIE. DOWN.
Plus, they aren’t old enough to understand that you just can’t piggyback them all the way to the park, which leads to a bunch of whining and inevitably a tantrum. And I’m sorry – you actually can’t manage to get your butt down that kiddie slide in the park anymore….physically you just can’t (have you seen my butt lately? Think Kim Kardashian but more saggy)
Let’s add in the fact that in August, I got pneumonia. Yup. Walking pneumonia. How did I get pneumonia? I still have no idea. Run down immune system, no sleep and high stress. A perfect storm which led my body to eventually break down. And as my mamas know, when you’re pregnant and sick…it takes a while for your immune system to get back up and running again! A long while.
OK, so those were the downs.
Don’t get me wrong — there are some serious “ups”, too.
My 2nd pregnancy gave me the opportunity to appreciate all the little movements this little bean has had in my belly.
Second time around, there is no question – you know what you are feeling and every time, he/she moves or kicks…I feel like it’s a tiny miracle in my belly. Like a little blessing that kicks you to remind you how damn lucky you are.
Second time around, you get to share every little experience with your first little bean. Rosie’s eyes light up every single time she puts her tiny hands on my belly or feels a little movement. She kisses “her baby” every morning and every night and it gives me all the feels.
Second time around, your partner isn’t completely oblivious or in the dark as to what you need as a pregnant lady. They know that you aren’t crazy when you get weepy at a YouTube Dove commercial (seriously, those things are tear jerkers). Or that cleaning the house, top to bottom, is just a part of your nesting. Or that your ice cream craving is for real and they’d better get a Haagan Daaz in your hand, stat.
Listen mamas, you don’t have to feel like a glorious pregnant goddess all the time. You are allowed to feel crappy and you are allowed to feel “ugh” about your pregnancy. It’s not all shiny happy pregnant women all the time. I’m here to tell you – it’s OK. Feel your feels and allow yourself space to just be….whatever.
Soon you’ll have that tiny little bean in your arms…..
…..that’s when the real fun begins.